Fate Of The Union

Make the Sound of Love by Fate of the Union

Travel with us back in time, some twenty years ago, to the fall of the Berlin Wall.  The demand was made and down the wall came, unleashing a rabid horde of sexual deviants eager to flood the now-legal sex shops on the Western side of the fence.  Turns out the grass really was greener on the other side, if by 'grass' you mean 'brightly-colored toys.'

Fate of the Union continues to deliver the hardest hitting news with the softest-grade gloves.  We dive into the most ancient of Chinese arts, handed down from family to family, generation to generation, and the peak of these abilities are held by one man, who draws a crowd wherever he... mimics?

Bet you totally forgot that Peter and Lars also hold PhDs in Theoretical Physics from the University of Chicago.  Granted, they were honorary PhDs, bestowed upon us only through an elaborate kidnapping scheme, but the paper doesn't lie, folks.  Find out the latest on the Large Hadron Collider's mishaps, getting smacked around by it's future self in an alternate universe.  It's not science fiction, folks... It's Fate of the Union.

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fateoftheunion@gmail.com

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Fired Up, Ready To Go by Fate of the Union

Fateful listeners,

I'm sure you've heard the news.  Our illustrious President has won the Nobel Prize for Peace and conservatives couldn't be happier.  Now they have some real political ammo!  Winning the Nobel Prize is like political suicide.  He'll never hear the end of this one, getting officially hailed as a monumental force of international change, a tone-setter on a global scale... boy, what a sucker!

For the particularly fateful listeners, Peril! will reward the diligent listening you've put in to get to this point.  It's a blast from our collective pasts, with an all-too-familiar failure on Peter's part to know anything at all about what the hell is going on.

Point the mouse and make it go click.  Listen this week and tell your friends.  Join the Facebook Fan Page.  I will buy you ice cream if you do.  Eventually.

-Pars Welly

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Let's not ignore the 800 pound elephant-gorilla-pig-hybrid in the room.  It's true what they said about swine flu.  When they said it would spread everywhere and probably touch a majority of the world's nations, they were right.  When they said it would cause flu-like symptoms so if you run a fever and vomit you should see a doctor, they were right.  When they said your life is in danger and if you know someone with swine flu you should kill them before they infect the rest of the world and murder us all, kickstarting the zombie apocalypse, forcing we few uninfected into hiding in shanty towns underground, living off the predatory highways, killing radiation fallout mutants for pennies and secretly working for the robots as they slowly garner the military strength to wager Armageddon on the pathetic humans... they were right.

If you weren't panicking before, now would be an appropriate time to scream.  Or, if you choose, join the ranks of the Ba'hai faith outside of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania and swap out all of your holy water for hand sanitizer.  We're all about brotherhood here.  Unless you have to shake that brother's hand.

Fate of the Union delivers the goods this week.  Dive headfirst into the wonderful waters of overcriminalization with us!  Listen as Peter sucks at Peril! (yes, again)  And hear the latest chapter in the Florida Files, a tale you probably won't believe unless I told you it was in the news, which it was.

FATEOFTHEUNION@GMAIL.COM TUNE IN TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND JOIN OUR FACEBOOK FAN PAGE

-Pars Welly

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Fan of the Fately Fashions,

There's something so deliciously satisfying about winning.  Part of it is embracing the competitive spirit and triumphing through adversity.  Part of it is shaking the hands of your opponents and wishing them a race well played.  And part of it is looking around the room, realizing that everyone else in there is a chump because you won and everyone else sucks.

Which is why Fate of the Union salutes the city of Cleveland, for looking around these United States with the swagger of a town victorious in the race to host the 2014 Gay Games.

Lest we also forget to tip our hats across the pond to the fair Swedish in successfully naming one of their own children "Q."  Yup, the letter "Q."  In their defense, the letter is much longer to say than "T," though certainly shorter than "W."

Peril this week shines its beacon of enlightenment upon perhaps the finest state in this fair union, New Jersey.  Three guesses as to who writes the episode flavor text.

Tune in (and tell your friends)

-Pars Welly

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As promised, check out these two videos of the Chicago cop illegally arresting a nurse just doing her job.  Serve and protect, man!

http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/1782491,nurse-lawsuit-cop-cuff-drawing-blood-092109.article

-Pars Welly

Folks,

Trust is a valuable thing to have in a person, animal, corporation, or corrupt police department. It is the basis for any worthwhile relationship and the cornerstone of your ability to shell out cash for crap you don't really need.

So when the national trust has been breached, you should know about it! That's why Peter and Lars are here to guide you through a step-by-step process of how to stop trusting cops to be nice and the government to know how the internet works (it's a series of tubes).

But we can't deliver this ragtag comedic display in a vacuum - Fate of the Union celebrates our Union's history of silliness and corruption by highlighting the day in musical history. Check out our new website page detailing the reasons for all our hip, new musical transitions.

Oh yeah, Peter still sucks at Peril! So definitely tune in

-Pars Welly

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Hiatus be damned, Fate of the Union is springing back into action.  Bust out your pompadours and greaser jackets, Pars Welly is kicking it old school in a new way.

Behold FOTUv2.0.  We've remodeled a bit - don't mind the dust, paint chips, and heavy breathing - to bring you a sleeker, sharper, 148% better Fating experience.  After some time off, the boys have recommitted themselves to bringing you all that is inane about our strange nation.  The witty banter remains, the dull pauses have been scrapped in favor of pictures of puppies and strippers.  Talk about an upgrade!

As a new NFL season unfolds with week 1 shenanigans storming the headlines, Peril! returns to kick Peter around ten yards for a first down.  Craigslist once again returns to the discussion table, this time concerning the futures of budding 'bromances.'  Add in a woman too sexy for her prison guard outfit, rice, beans, and salsa, and you've got a Fateful Taco on your hands.

So eat hearty muchachos, Fate of the Union will be blowing you down week after week with a whole lot of hot air from a couple of blowhards.

Tune in (and tell your friends)

-Pars Welly

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Ghosts are scary.  I mean REALLY scary.  Think about it.  To quote the great John Madden, (to be said in one continuous, unintelligible slur) "Here's a guy who can walk through walls, rearrange your fine china, overthrow your corporeal functions, then blaze forty yards down the sideline to hurl a pigskin into the welcoming arms of the masses.  I mean, BOOM.  He's gone.  Seriously, he disappeared.  What the hell?  I'm hungry.  Hey, Al, can we order some 'za?"

John's views may be dumbwitted, but Peter and Lars go the distance in extrapolating only the strongest nuggets of supernatural evidence.  They hypothesize as to what a ghost truly is, utilizing their vast knowledge of theoretical physics and hearsay ghost encounters.  And for the particularly fateful listeners out there, we revisit Lars' theory, clearly inspired by too many late-night The Abyss-watching sessions, that the real final frontier lies in the deepest trenches of our oceans.

Count Peter as the skeptic.  He believes that all ghost-related shenanigans are obviously the work of poltergeists.  To clarify, he does not mean a 1982 Spielberg fright-fest vehicle for Craig T. Nelson, arguably the greatest actor of our time, if not all times.  Instead, he refers to the untapped abilities of the human brain, unleashed through stress or trauma, which affect the world around them in bizarre and unforeseen ways.  It's kind of like what happens if you ask for a chocolate shake at the Wiener's Circle.  If you don't know what we're talking about, then just trust us.  The experience is scarring.

Regardless where you stand on the supernatural debate, you're going to want to tune in to this week's Fate of the Union.  If you don't, Obama just might pass health care reform.  You don't really want insurance... DO YOU?!?

Tune in.

-Pars Welly

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